Feelings, Poetry, Relationships

second fiddle

The writing of this poem, and the circumstances that led to its surfacing, helped me discover, name and understand something about myself that I think I’ve always known at some level but haven’t been able to fully articulate.

Susan Jeffers might describe it as as over-functioning/under-functioning. My numerologist calls it over-cooperation/under-cooperation. This aspect of self might also have something to do with being an 11/2 Master Number, and a classic Aquarian.

second fiddle

©2020 punkie


second fiddle

i’ll never be first,
no matter how hard I try
i’m destined for second
’til the day that I die

a daughter, another,
a mother, a dad
clearing dishes and doughnuts
from a bachelor pad

facebook and insta
and checking the news
posting and liking
or having a snooze

reaping a harvest
deciding on church
the violence of silence
leave me in the lurch

the problem’s not yours
uh uh, not at all
i am the one who
is unbearably small

even my mother made
me second, you see
after her son, two years
younger than me

i danced to her tune
down the very same lane
and put others first
dried their tears, eased their pain

it created a longing
a hole in my heart
been there i guess
pretty much from start

there’s no blame to be laid
no debts to be paid
it’s just the luck of the draw
and the choices i made

still i ponder and wonder
on days that are dark
when the thoughts i am thinking
are no walk in the park

who will help me? who will hold me?
when i have the need
for comfort and care —
will some god intercede?


© 2020 Susan Macaulay. I invite you to share my poetry and posts widely, but please do not reprint, reblog or copy and paste them in their entirety without my permission. Thank you.


everything’s gonna be alright…eventually



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