Dead to the World

eyes open.
a thought bubbles
to the surface:
“i’m awake.”
awareness skips
across my consciousness
forcing me to stir.
i resist.

i burrow deeper
into the folds
of the duvet.
i will bury
myself alive
today, tomorrow
and the next.

blink
turn on my side
face a window
of clear blue sky.
dawn is long gone.
i’ve slept late;
very, very late.

another thought:
“i should go
for a walk.”
but i don’t.
i close my eyes,
drift back into
that which
eluded me
this night
like others
before it.

i float
half in
half out
of a restless
slumber that
bumps into dreams
here and there and
mumbles an obligatory greeting
but doesn’t stop for more.
it hides inside,
hangs a “do not disturb” sign
on its door.

“go away life,”
i whisper to my wakefulness.
“leave me alone
in this sleepy place
where regrets
don’t poke
and prod me
and cause my heart to ache.

let me be dead
to this world
for awhile,
until wounds heal
and joyful angels
take me by the hand
once again.”

Beautiful image Woman Sleeping (1935) by Tamara de Lempicka