second fiddle
The writing of this poem, and the circumstances that led to its surfacing, helped me discover, name and understand something about myself that I think I’ve always known at some level but haven’t been able to fully articulate.
Susan Jeffers might describe it as as over-functioning/under-functioning. My numerologist calls it over-cooperation/under-cooperation. This aspect of self might also have something to do with being an 11/2 Master Number, and a classic Aquarian.
second fiddle
©2020 punkie
second fiddle
i’ll never be first,
no matter how hard I try
i’m destined for second
’til the day that I die
a daughter, another,
a mother, a dad
clearing dishes and doughnuts
from a bachelor pad
facebook and insta
and checking the news
posting and liking
or having a snooze
reaping a harvest
deciding on church
the violence of silence
leave me in the lurch
the problem’s not yours
uh uh, not at all
i am the one who
is unbearably small
even my mother made
me second, you see
after her son, two years
younger than me
i danced to her tune
down the very same lane
and put others first
dried their tears, eased their pain
it created a longing
a hole in my heart
been there i guess
pretty much from start
there’s no blame to be laid
no debts to be paid
it’s just the luck of the draw
and the choices i made
still i ponder and wonder
on days that are dark
when the thoughts i am thinking
are no walk in the park
who will help me? who will hold me?
when i have the need
for comfort and care —
will some god intercede?
© 2020 Susan Macaulay. I invite you to share my poetry and posts widely, but please do not reprint, reblog or copy and paste them in their entirety without my permission. Thank you.
